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DC - Raven - uncloaked


Your rock 'n roll Joan of Arc

The Queen of Broken Hearts

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Metroid Prime 2 update
DC - Raven - uncloaked
This first, before I forget stuff. Then I'll get to the other "more important things in my life" section.

So I started playing the game around nine or so. I'm not for sure when I actually started. Chaos soon ensued anyway.

I had just beaten Mr. Alpha Blogg wuss and was running around trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. I love the hint system in the game because it's less annoying than the first one. Naturally, my next portion of the great quest that is Metroid would lead me back to Dark Aether.

I wandered around for awhile, opening some new doors, fighting some Hunter Ing. I don't like that. But then I entered this one room with something thudding around on the floor above me a-la Tyrannosaurus in Jurassic Park. Finally, I managed to catch a glimpse of what it was, a big lizard-chicken thing. Miniboss.

From there, you have to go around a ways before you can enter the top half of the room. What fun. So eventually I show up and face the dreaded Grapple Guardian. (God what a horrible name. I can't wait to see what's guarding the Screw Attack. Maybe he'll be the Screw Guardian. But I digress.)

Remember those obnoxious little lizard Sheegoth-like guys I was talking about earlier. This is Mama. Like Mama Sheegoth only with a twist. A really fucking obnoxious twist. In scanning this creature, you learn that it's vulnerable in its eye and on its back. So I promptly start pouring ammo into its eye since that's what seems to be easy to target.

Little did I know I would be fighting this guy for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT! Yes, this obviously means I suck at Metroid.

For a very long time, I couldn't figure out what the fuck to do. I shot him in the eye. A lot. You can't dash/strafe around him because he's too big. So whatever this weak spot in his back was I target it or attempt to hit it. After you hit him in the eye with three or four charge beam or super missile hits, he does this funky glowing thing with his horn (he's like a reptile-cyclops-rhino thing) and tries to grab you with his grapple beam that comes out of his horn. Not only is this disturbing, it's just generally obnoxious because it doesn't do a whole lot of damage if you get caught in it (unless you're a Morph Ball -but that was an accident and only happened once), and you just keep shooting at him until he lets go. Then you start the process over again.

Being Metroid, there's an environmental thing you're supposed to use to fight him. There's these glowing columns in the room. I don't even remember what they were supposed to be. Anyway, I discovered how much fun it was to dodge behind one of those when he was trying to use the grapple beam. He would temporarily get stuck to the column. Sometimes. But distance mattered. And angle somehow mattered. Even after two hours I was still unsure exactly how I was beating him since the hit detection was extremely inconsistent and agravating. Once he was stuck to the beam, you had to dash around behind him (you have about three or four seconds to do this), then wait until he pulls free of the column before you can shoot him in the back with something: Missiles, Super Missiles if you're way cooler than me since I was having to use Morph Ball mode to get behind him fast enough to get a shot. This sounds easy. It isn't. If you're a fraction too far to the left or right of this beast when he pulls up to get free, you won't hit him.

Oh, and I mentioned the distance and angle mattered? Yeah. If Mr. Grapple Guardian attached himself to the column from across the room a ways, he'd skid towards it at fairly high speeds, crash into it, and knock goodies down from the ceiling. That was one of the only ways this fight lasted two hours. I had poured every single piece of ammunition I had into this monster in the first ten minutes. There was also two light shields around the columns, so I mostly spent my time dodging in and out of those, and then around to the opposite side when it was "grapple time". So basically, you'd dodge around him long enough to hit him solidly three times, then dash behind a column, then have your three seconds to get behind him, then wait until he pulls up before you very quickly shoot him in the back. And you only get one chance at this. By the end, I could plug a couple of hits into him, but only by the very very end.

This sounds fun, no? This makes sense and sounds easy. I honestly don't know why it sucked so bad. I mean, it was like fighting Metroid Prime only without any progress whatsoever.

When he's two-thirds down on his life meter, his back explodes. (WTF?) So he's this writhing mass of pink lightning. And the column trick no longer works because he's somehow overloaded those. Okay. At this point, I was just shooting him a lot because I was so pissed and my left hand was cramped so bad I wasn't sure I could peel it from the controller. Sometimes, a Super Missile would do damage to him if I shot him in the eye. Sometimes it wouldn't. Sometimes I could get right behind him and hit him. Sometimes I couldn't. It was generally very anti-climatic and shitty.

And then, magically, he died. There was much rejoicing. And all I got was the Grapple Beam. The Grapple Beam.

The next fun section was me desperately trying to race back to a Save Point. By now it's 11:00, my eyes are watering and burning from staring directly at the TV that long and my hands physically hurt. I race into a room with Dark Space Pirates, who very nearly kill me in a matter of seconds. But I finally killed them and recharged enough to continue, and made it to the Save Point.

I haven't played any today. Wonder why.

So yes, true Metroid Gods shall laugh at my puny weakling attempts to play this game. But I'm still with it. I still want to play. I guess that's good. I think...

Anyway. I've had a long day. I'll probably continue tomorrow.