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DC - Raven - uncloaked


Your rock 'n roll Joan of Arc

The Queen of Broken Hearts

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AAAAAAHHHHHH! I mean, Metroid Prime 2 update
DC - Raven - uncloaked
Yes, it's gotten worse.

After my fun encounter with Mr. Grapple-Guardian, I snagged the other two keys from Dark Aether and went to open the temple up. Luckily, it was time to go have lunch, so I showed up, saw the Chykka larvae, and left.

Chykka is a crappy boss. You probably knew I was going to say that. Anyway. First let me set the scene. You're on a circular flimsy platform in the middle of a flooded arena. The water in Dark Aether does the same thing as jumping into lava or Phazon. It burns! It burns! So, after you knock the cocoon thing into the water, Chykka swims in circles around you, and Dark Shredder stupid plants come flying out of the water and run into you because it's bastardly. Then, Chykka will dive underneath and do this amazing Shamu-action flip in the air before splashing back down, sending your flimsy platform underwater temporarily. And at some point it spits acid at you too. Not sure how that works. You have to hit it's "soft underbelly". Fucking soft underbelly. You get two shots, and then it swims in circles for awhile again.

Eventually, it'll flop its fat ass on the platform with you, tipping it a bit, and try to grab you with its tongue. Okay, the two things I've noticed in this game that are deeply disturbing to me are bosses trying to swallow you and bosses you have to shoot in the ass. This guy has both, so that must mean he's ultra cool. Anyway. You blow him up enough and sure enough, he doesn't explode into a million bits.

The water drains a bit and the flimsy crappy platform splits into three flimsy crappy platforms with flimsy crappy grapple beam platforms in between. And there's another cocoon! Ooh!

I belive the FAQ I was reading earlier said something along the lines of, "Who wants to see a War Wasp on crack?" or something to that effect. Yep, he's now a War Wasp. Or a Chykka adult. He does neat tricks like moving out of the way so fast that only your charged beam weapons can hit him, and ducking out of the way so your targeting system goes away, and spitting purple acid at you, and knocking you a half mile off the platforms. No, really, it's oodles of fun. Object here is exactly like that bastard Grapple Guardian. Hit him in the face with three charged blasts. Then go swinging behind him (since there's those handy-dandy grapple beam platforms floating around) and shoot him in the ass. Actually, you're aiming for his wings, but they don't like fall off or anything so it's pretty stupid. Again, if you are not directly behind him, you can't do jack. What a shitty way to design this game, Nintendo. I guess they thought the Baby Sheegoths were the coolest badguys ever so now you have to hit everything in the ass! Or there's some sick conspiracy going on...

Well. That aside. I was nearly dead at this point because there's no where to go when he shoots acid at you. If he hits you, you end up bouncing off the acid water back to a platform. I started trying to swing around it, but that didn't work great either. It sort of worked.

Anyway, you hit all four of his wing joints thirty minutes later. He does a nice swan dive into the water again. And....ta da! Now we have a Dark Chykka, which they added just because you're getting your ass handed to you so badly that they needed a way to get you more life and missiles and beam ammo. I'm not kidding. That's all this guy is for. The Ing possessed the Chykka and now he has this charming venom sac. (Holy geez, Nintendo! This game is not for children!) The Dark Chykka spits more acid at you and then shoots these little flying white bug things out of its stinger. ....yeah. These do nothing except fly around you very very slowly. This is where you get back into the fight. You blow all of them up and get health back and missiles and everything. Wahoo. So prolong this part as long as possible.

So now you're shooting him in the venom sac with your light beam. God, this sounds hilarious.

Hit him enough, he falls back into the water and pops out as the Chykka adult again. So he's possessed/unpossessed/possessed creature by the end. I have no idea.

Same old, same old, except now he has a really stupid charge attack that you can dodge with your grapple beam pretty easily. I wasn't timing this fight, but it lasted awhile.

Blow up his wing joints. He falls into the water and becomes the Dark Chykka again. Time for more powerups because you're fucking hosed. Yay! Except, Dark Chykka has a new fun trick called "Submerge the Platforms when You're Not Paying Attention". I had a lot of fun swinging from the grapple beam back and forth waiting for those to come back.

I beat him finally. There was much rejoicing. But that meant I had to continue the game. Dammit.

I got this neat thing called the Dark Visor, which makes Dark things visible. Sort of. So now I can finally track those damn invisble Space Pirate guys that I've just stopped trying to scan to get their information. I don't care anymore.

Remember that room that was driving me crazy because I couldn't go back to it? Well, I can now. Yay. And it leads to the next section, the Sanctuary Fortress of HELL.

My little guide friend mentioned that it's going to take ten keys to open the temple in Dark Aether. I'm like, fuck, yeah, whatever. Then I went into this monstrosity.

I'm already short on ammo since I went straight there like a dumbass, and I'm jumped by a dozen or so Space Pirates before I even get inside. All different kinds of Space Pirates. Ones with grenade launchers. Ones with power shields. Ones with lots and lots of crack.

There goes the rest of my ammo.

I walk into the hallway. Aaah! Turrets! They're finally in the game! When you reach the elevator, you scan this big blob of machinery behind the elevator and get something to the effect of "The Security Measures in this area may be in the hands of the enemy." Start cussing now. Just do it. This is bad for you. This is not healthy.

There's the little stupid drones that wander around and look cute. Then there's the less harmless ones that virus your fucking suit, or turn into zippy little power drills. WTF?

My main issue with this new area is it's so damn intricate, pretty, whatever. Stuff is blinking, pulsing, moving around, flying, whatever - you can't tell what the fuck's going on or what to scan or what's going to kick your ass. Sort of obnoxious. The Dark Aether version, which is the Ing Hive of HELL, is also bad. I found a Save Point. I continued on. Then I wanted to get back to the Save Point and I couldn't because I jumped to Dark Aether and back to Aether and changed something. I kept wandering forward looking for a Save Point. Stuff got really weird and then weirder. Machines became possessed with the Ing. How does that work?

I then found the fucking Spider Guardian which wins a prize for MOST RIDICULOUS FIGHT EVER! This even beats out the Boost Guardian's Pinball Madness!

I can hear the guys at Nintendo working this out.

((translated from the Japanese))
"You know, Samus never fights enough badguys as a Morph Ball. We should put in a fight where she's in a giant pinball machine."

"Ooh ooh. Then we'll stick her in one of those Morph Ball puzzle mazes with an electric rolly-polly (pill bug) and have her bomb him until he turns different colors. When the Spider Guardian turns yellow, she'll have to activate the bomb slot so it can eat this energy thing and move on to the next part where she's trying to do this in a half-pipe."

"Oh, but I think we need to add something with shooting it in its eyes and then its ass. Or maybe it tries to swallow her."
((end translation))

Needless to say, I ended up committing suicide in game because I wanted to cry.

We might try this again later. We might not. My interest is running very very low at this point, and curiousity is non-existant.