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DC - Raven - uncloaked


Your rock 'n roll Joan of Arc

The Queen of Broken Hearts

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Metroid Prime 2 update - Uh....crap?!
DC - Raven - uncloaked

YAY! I have finally backtracked all over creation and discovered the one stupid missile expansion that was eluding me! I decided to break it down by area and search that way.

(Ow. It's hard to type. I'll get to the reason for that in a minute...)

Of course it was in the Sanctuary Fortress of Hell. It was only fitting. That and I realized I hadn't been double or triple checking (I lost count) the expansions in there because, well, I hate it a lot. Dumb reason, which is why the last expansion was hidden there. And I almost missed it. Now, since I played a lot of the first Metroid Prime, whenever I hear that magic buzzing expansion noise in a room, I wander around, looking for walls to bomb or paths to get somewhere else or whatever the case may be. I'm really good at pinpointing where the stupid things are. Except in this room. Because although I was standing on fucking top of it, there was no expansion noise. I've gone through this room about a million times and just never caught it because there's no noise.


So then, being the silly girl I am, I decided to go take a real first crack at Emperor Ing, since the time I accidently found him I killed myself faster by standing in Phazon because I was not in the mood. What a sily girl I am.

Emperor Ing handed me scraps of my ass in shreds of power armor in about ten minutes. In his first form. 1 of 3. And don't forget the great Dark Samus showdown at the end, which apparently you're supposed to have resources left to fight her???!!!! Uh....no. In my attempt here, I was already down to 80 missiles or less and, well, he beat me in his first form. All fifteen of those energy tanks. In ten minutes.

Now Metroid Prime was bad. That was not a fun battle. That fight, on average, took me 45 minutes to an hour to finish and that's with constant controller movement. But it was predictable and you mostly just had to be smart and take your shots when you knew you could hit him. (Or it. I call it a him. I'm weird.) He'd change colors. You'd change your weapons accordingly. He'd run through his normal range of attacks and then he'd charge. Repeat process. It was repetitive, it was silly, and you were generally pissed by the time the first half was done because you're sitting there with like four or five energy tanks left and know you have to survive the second half.

The Emperor...this guy is a nightmare.

I mentioned the room is surrounded by Phazon. What I didn't notice the first time was that the Phazon is not evenly spread around the circular room. So on one side you have a little extra room to manuever, and the opposite side has less. Crap. This may not be actually true since I wasn't paying that much attention to the background, but that's what it seemed like.

This boss is all over the place. Actually he sits in one place the entire time, but you wouldn't know it. You have to shoot his tentacles before they kick your ass. But he flails around a lot. I've mentioned that the targetting system has been outwitted by several of the previous bosses in this game. This guy's no different. The trick is, if they move fast enough, the target system can't keep up. All the super missiles, charge beam, or rabid wolverine beams in the world can't save you when that happens. So it's very hard to hit something you can't target. And when you're trying to lean back far enough to target his tentacles and they're spinning around the room, it gets rather nauseating to watch. And to play. The FAQ I've found suggested using the seeker missiles to knock out his tentacles faster, but by the time you have more than one locked, he does this spiffy biffy dark attack thing that you can't just jump dodge around. No, the only way I could get away from it was to morph ball and boost around the room.

Which brings us to the next problem. Nowhere else in the game have I encountered an issue with halting my movement after coming out of morph ball. For some reason, the Phazon seems magnetic. When you pop back up out of morph ball, you shoot an extra five feet in whatever direction you were travelling, which most often tosses you into the piles of Phazon. Why? I'm not sure. It's annoying as hell.

And heaven help you if you even just clip the Emperor as you move around him. I agree that you should take damage from that, but not blasted ten feet out into the Phazon. What is with the magnetic Phazon? And why hasn't Dark Samus sucked all of it out of this room? There's lots here. Anyway.

Once you hit all the tentacles so they go away (and the number of tentacles changes...for some reason. Sometimes it's like four and other times it's like nine. Or somewhere in between), his head sort of opens up revealing the last energy controller thing surrounded by a half glowy orb shield thing. There's a gap between the two sides of the shield that you have to shoot into to actually do damage to him. Yeah. Up until now, you haven't hurt him. At all. The shield moves around, faster than you can jump dodge, of course, and every random now and then a beam of red light shoots you and makes your gun go away. You know, those fun attacks where you're charging your beam up and suddenly you can't anymore? (That happened with the Chozo ghosts and a very small other number of critters in Metroid Prime. Everybody can fucking do it in Echoes.) So good luck hitting the red ball of light within the 15 seconds you have. And then you're back to tentacle dodging again.

I don't know if I can beat him. I know I can eventually, but I really hate throwing myself against a boss twenty or thirty times until I get lucky and accidently kill him. That sucks. And the game isn't over then. Then I get wailed on by Dark Samus. During the infamous countdown sequence. Yes, I went ahead and looked at what was to come, because I'm really tired of the surprises this game has to offer. They make me very very angry.

For instance, when Dark Samus blows up the bridge to the Sanctuary Fortress of Hell. What the hell was that? Especially when you pit it against my favorite scene from Metroid Prime - the part where you walk out onto the cliff in Phendrana and Ridley's huge shadow crosses the valley. Now that was fucking cool. It was a neat cutscene. It didn't piss me off. There's not a lot of cool cutscenes that don't piss me off in this one. Case in point - the first time you meet the Ing-possessed Space Pirates. After you watch the Ing possess them, the game automatically places you down on the floor with them, even though you were watching the cutscene from the ledge about fifteen feet above the floor. I mean, what the fuck? Do they just expect everyone to go running head first into every room, especially hard core Metroid fans who realize that at any given second boiling acid could fill the entire room, or you could be trapped until you defeat the mini-boss, or dozens of other horrible horrible fates? How can they expect that out of people? Samus isn't fucking stupid. As a bounty hunter, she should probably realize that a little extra caution can go a long way.

Anyway. I just had to mention all of that. What a surprise, the game is pissing me off again. Maybe I'll beat it and then put it away for many many many years. Yeah.

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I hated the Metroid Prime, but at least I never spent an hour fighting him! Yow!

Truth be told, though, I think I may have hated traveling through that room full of undying metroids even more. Not sure.

Resident Evil 4 reviews are up, and it got a 5 out of 5 from one site and a 9.8 out of 10 from another. Maybe you should trade up and do some of that action instead. :)

I'm so close to the end though! Gah! Maybe I just need to suck it up and finish Wind Waker since I still haven't and I'm very close to the end. Bad me.

I think I just don't have the video game dexerity needed to play this game well. Or the stamina. Or the insanity. Maybe that's it. :)

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